You and your grandchild
Source: National Deaf Children's Society
'Having a deaf granddaughter has been one of the most rewarding and challenging experiences of my life. I always wanted to be a grandparent but I was in no way prepared for having a grandchild who is deaf. Initially I felt out of my depth and unsure how to support my daughter and son-in-law. Now I know more I feel more confident and determined to be there for my granddaughter, after all I’m her grandma.' Grandmother
‘At the initial diagnosis I had a terrible fear of feeling powerless. Sadness lingers, yet since the diagnosis, as a family we’ve grown stronger and are committed to ensuring only the best for the child.’ Grandmother
‘Altogether I would say that her arrival, diagnosis and treatment united the entire family. As a grandmother, it has been such a challenging but yet so rewarding experience. It has opened up a world I never knew existed.' Grandmother
‘When we told my parents, they were very upset and still are. Sometimes for me and my husband to be ‘upset’ about anything will then also upset my parents.’ Mother
The relationship a child has with a grandparent is a special one. This is no different for deaf children. You will play an important role in your grandchild’s life.
‘When I am away from the family, I feel angry and upset about what has happened. Knowing that he will never be like us, never experience things the way we can and not talk as we can. Of course, I can’t talk about any of this to my son, I have to remain positive.’ Grandfather
‘Initially I felt very upset and angry. I couldn’t understand why it had happened to us. Now two years on, I am fully involved with everything that can enrich all our lives.’ Grandfather
‘I felt confused and helpless. I had been a nursery nurse and also worked at a school but had never encountered deafness except in the elderly. I joined the local signing class and local deaf club and haven’t looked back.’ Grandmother
‘I would say once you get over the shock, and it’s a terrible shock, the biggest tip I would give is just love and support your children and grandchildren because they need it and they need to see you’re a part of it. Make the disability an ability because there is so much they’re able to do.’ Grandfather
When you first find out that your grandchild is deaf you may find it a shock or be upset. There is no right or wrong way to feel.
Over 90% of deaf children are born to families with little or no experience of deafness. So it’s no surprise that many grandparents are not prepared and are unsure of how to support their grandchild. There are lots of different sources of support available to help you learn more about deafness and what this means for your grandchild.
Support can come from
The following hints and tips were given by grandparents about what they found helpful.
‘It was good for my parents as in our area they had a grandparents’ group set up. This meant that they could share any worries or concerns that they did not want to share with us.’ Mother
Having a deaf child in your family probably means that there are new things for you to learn and do to support your grandchild. Understanding your grandchild’s needs and developing good communication within your family are important for your grandchild’s development. Here are some tips from grandparents about what they have done, together with sources of other information.
‘Don’t be frightened of their equipment – I was. I’m not good with the equipment. The first time putting the hearing aid in, you’re scared of hurting them.’ Grandfather
‘I went with my daughter on an initial consultation with the doctor, who explained everything and assured me that my grandchild would get all the support she needed.’ Grandmother
‘When you take them away on holiday, you have to think of everything so much more, like have we got the batteries etc.’ Grandmother
‘My father and stepfather both had to wear hearing aids at the time, and they both made a point of showing our oldest that they too wore hearing aids and would wear them in front of him when perhaps they hadn’t before to show solidarity.’ Mother
‘My mother and I made a calendar for her to look at. We took pictures of activities like the park with the ducks and the library. We put these on the calendar using magnets so she could learn what the programme was for the day.’ Mother
‘I was very upset when we found out and didn’t know what to do. Over time we united as a family. We shared experiences and did everything together when possible.’ Grandfather
‘My daughter-in-law lets me know about all the appointments and about going to the deaf centre for children and deaf play groups which help my granddaughter very much. I’m not able to go with them as I live too far away but it’s important that I keep in contact.’ Grandmother
Here are some hints and tips from other families about what they found helpful.
‘I always ensure that each grandchild has quality time. I’ve found at times it was easy to spend more time with the deaf grandchild than their hearing siblings but it’s important this time is equal.’ Grandmother
‘My family have high expectations of both my children, we enjoy spending time with them both and when things need to be challenged, we all pitch in together and see things through.’ Father
‘The opportunity of meeting a deaf adult and learning about what they had achieved gave me hope for my grandchild.’ Grandfather
‘My parents have realised that there sometimes isn’t a lot they can do for the child, but there is a lot that they can do for both my wife and me in terms of support and being there.’ Father
‘The thing is the support; you know they have taken an interest. Just that alone is a lot, you know, that someone else has taken an interest.’ Mother
NDCS use the term 'deaf' to mean all types of deafness, including temporary deafness such as glue ear.
Information provided by the National Deaf Children's Society
Reproduced with permission.
Disclaimer: This website is for general information only and is not intended as a substitute for independent professional advice.
NDCS was awarded funding by The National Lottery through Big Lottery Fund to develop and take forward ther work with grandparents.
As part of this project, NDCS spoke with 41 grandparents across England to find out more about their experiences.
This information will touch on these experiences and includes information and tips from grandparents for families with deaf children.
We hope you enjoy reading it and find it useful.