Questions parents are asking

One of the topics in our online groups this month has been that frustrating issue for parents -  temper tantrums.

In their book “Psychological processes in deaf children with complex needs: an evidence-based practical guide," Lindsey Edwards and Susan Crocker write,“Temper tantrums are a normal, if challenging part of the early years of most children. Tantrums are most common between one and three years of age and very in intensity and duration, from a few minutes’ whining and crying to an extended period of kicking, screaming, hitting and breath-holding. Tantrums occur when toddlers are unable to control or master their environment, when they can’t have or do what they want, or want attention, and are more likely to happen when the child is tired, hungry and uncomfortable. The tantrum ‘phase’ in deaf toddlers often lasts longer and the tantrums are more frequent and intense than in their hearing counterparts. Tantrums are most common during the second year of life when children are typically rapidly acquiring language, but are able to understand more than they can express. Given the language delay of most deaf children it should be predicted that many become frustrated and have tantrums when they cannot communicate what they are thinking or feeling, or feel confused, or don’t understand what they are expected to do or why.

In deaf children, tantrums often present in the context of severe difficulties for parents in setting and enforcing appropriate behavioural boundaries, with consequent generalized problems of non-compliance in the child. Many parents express their feelings of helplessness in communicating instructions and explanations to their child, sometimes to the point where they give up trying. There is some research evidence that mothers of children with profound hearing losses are more likely to use physical discipline in response to unwanted behaviours than mothers of hearing children (Knutson, Johnson and Sullivan 2004), and this is certainly our impression clinically.”
So if the tantrum phase is more intense and lasts longer in deaf children, what can parents do?
Daria Medwid and Denise Chapman Weston, authors of “Kid-friendly parenting with deaf and hard of hearing children,”  suggest – Ignoring and Distracting.

“Ignoring, by definition, means deliberately withholding attention from a child or situation. Distraction is a method of diverting your misbehaving child’s attention to a more acceptable alternative. Both techniques work best with behaviors that have not been strongly established, such as sibling squabbles, temper tantrums, and annoying habits.”

Zero to Three has some excellent advise on tantrums. Reassuringly, the article concludes:
“ Recognize that sometimes nothing works.  We all have those moments when our child is hysterical and rolling around the floor of the supermarket with everyone staring.  This doesn’t mean your child is “bad” or the techniques above don’t work.  It just means that parenting is difficult work and there are no easy answers.  Sometimes the best you can do is just be by your child’s side until he calms himself down so he knows that you are there for him.  (And remind yourself that this, too, shall pass.)”  Read the full article on Zero to Three...